I'm not going to say I had the best childhood and I'm not going to say I had the worst. It falls somewhere in the middle. I had a purgatory childhood. I seriously feel like I was in limbo as a kid. My parents (mom and step-dad) were very strict. They both had bad tempers and no patience for my brother and I. If you did one thing out of line, it was over. Don't even think about spilling a glass of milk at the dinner table because all hell will break loose. Can you imagine being about 4 and spilling your milk and both of your parents start screaming at you? It's called an accident for a reason!
Whenever my brother and I would get in trouble we would get EVERYTHING taken away along with being put in timeout. So, we'd get timeout for however long they thought was necessary, grounded for however long they felt was necessary, (pretty sure I'm still grounded) phone, TV, radio, and anything else they could take a way was taken away. We weren't even allowed to sit on our beds when we weren't sleeping. By the way, I am laying on my bed while typing this.
It's no secret that my mom and I don't have the best relationship. We have our moments, but most of the time we are yelling at each other and hating each other. No matter what I do, it's wrong. Its been like that for as long as I can remember. No matter what my brother did, it was always my fault. My parents were also big on smacking. Parents were actually allowed to do that once. I'm not going to say how bad it was, but one can imagine. Rings on fingers don't connect well with teeth when you are little.
As I've gotten older I wonder if my parents thought this is how you build character in children. By strict parenting and making you child or children act like adults when they aren't. What I've learned from this is, that its not normal to parent like this. I have friends who have AMAZING relationships with their parents. I'm not going to lie. I'm jealous of this. I wish I had an amazing relationship with my parents. My step-dad and I get along fine now, but from the time I was 5-17 we hated each other and neither of us hid it from the other. I think I resented him because he was trying to be my father and thats not what I wanted. I actually wanted to have my father here. No child should lose a parent so young or at any age. I often wonder what it would be like he was still alive. Would he be sober or would he be doing the same shit that killed him almost 19 years ago.
Anyway, my one step at a time theory is......take what you have learned and use it to make you grow. I have used my childhood to allow me to NOT make the same mistakes as my parents did. I will not be the parent that they were. I will allow my children (if I am able to have them) to be children. Children are meant to make mistakes and they learn from them. You have to give them the space to grow and learn.
Along with all of this my mom also made me into a very independent person. I do thank her for that because I don't want anyone telling me what to do. I enjoy being on my own and not being tied down.
Lastly, I leave you with this quote. "The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can." - Robert Cushing
<3 AJ
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