Her Final Curtain

Again, I wrote this when I was 18. This is for my favorite actress, Judy Garland. Lame

As she stands there and watches
the curtain begins to lower.
is this the end
do they think she is cowered?

One last song before she leaves the room
hoping just once her life is not doomed.
people are watching, on the edge of there seats
when she is done they stand to their feet.

She belts out the song
her spirits so high
what made her want to die?

Her fans adore her
her children are there
is this the end
or is it just starting

When the song is over
she walks off the stage
with tears in her eyes
and weight on her shoulders.

Her children hug her
and she thinks to herself
this is what its about
with love in her heart.

They are her life
she doesn't want it to end
They need her in their life
As much now as they did then.

So Close

I wrote this when I was 18. Don't judge me! Memory from when I was 3.



When I was young
not much older then three
I walked into the kitchen
and what did I see

Mommy standing there
with tears in her eyes
daddys hands around her throat
and murder in his eyes.

I was so afraid of you
waiting to see what you would do
would you kill my mommy
would you come for me too?

Standing there with my blankie and bear
would this be it, thinking "would I be alone?"
baby in the other room sleeping so light
does he hear this big fight?

Quietly I turn and walk back to see
would this be the last time I'd see my mommy.
Daddy let go and walk out the door
slowly my mommy slid to the floor.

Why do my parents fight so much
did I do this to them?
they love me so much.

I want you to know I love you a lot
was it me that made him this hot?
I know you got married because you were with child
but there are other ways this could have been of handled.

Get away mommy, leave daddy right now
I know you can handle it
you're stronger than that

We left my daddy
as happy as can be
Bill is my father
and he loves us three.

What the HELL is wrong with kids today

To say that kids are rude would be an understatement. I have come across some of the most ill mannered and disrespectful children in the past 3 years than I have in my life. I don't think I ever remember children acting like this when I was a kid. Yes, we had a few rude and disrespectful kids here and there, but today it seems that there are more rude kids than there are nice kids. Do parents not teach their children manners or how to respect others? No, they don't. It is easier to place them in front of a TV and allow them to do whatever the hell they want. Parents today don't want to be "bothered" with their kids. Here's a question for you, If you don't to be bothered or take the time to teach your child how to act, than what was the point in having kids? Clearly it was something you thought you HAD to do. Newsflash, its not written that you HAVE to have children. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent.

Now, I know its not always the parent(s) fault with the way their child or children act. I have seen some kids come from broken homes and one parent has them on a schedule and disciplines them. Then they go to their other parents house and they are allowed to do whatever they want and have no discipline. Parents in this situation need to come together and discipline their child and have the same rules. It only confuses the child when they are in this situation.

Also, I think a lot of what is on TV makes kids think that they can do whatever they want. They think that if so-and-so is allowed to do whatever they want on TV than they should be allowed too. This is not the case. Parents need to limit what their child watches on TV. I know its harder to screen TV shows these days than when I was a kid, but it is possible to do. Also parents, do not allow your child to sit in front of the TV all day long. Send them outside to play or better yet, spend time with them. You know, like talking to them, going out with them, or even just being in the same room with them. It's not going to kill you to spend time with your kids.

I bet you are probably wondering what brought this "topic" on. Well, this is why. I was driving home from work last night and as I was going through my neighborhood I saw a group of 8-10 year olds out. Mind you it was about 10:30 at this time and it was really dark. I am driving and they are in the middle of the street. They see my car and begrudgingly move out of the way. I look at them and the "tough guy" of the group, who had to be about 9, yells at me "What the fuck are you looking at?" My jaw dropped. I couldn't even fathom saying that when I was 9.

That got me to thinking....

1.) What are children this age doing out this late at night. Pretty sure when I was their age I had been in bed for an hour by the time it was 10:30.

2.) Are they hearing this language from their parents and that makes them think its OK to say to people?

3.) Are kids spending more time in front of the TV watching whatever they want and thats where they are learning this language.

Finally....

4.) Or has our society resorted to just not caring about the youth of this country?

Whether its one of those reasons or all of them, I think that more needs to be done to start educating and teaching kids what is right and what is wrong. We shouldn't have 9 year olds thinking its OK to cuss out strangers. Let alone ones who are older than them. One of these days they will say something to the wrong person and they won't be as lucky as they were with me.

Anyway, whether its the parents fault or simply just the child, I think more needs to be done with the way that children are acting these days.

Please comment. I'd love to hear what you think.

<3 AJ

Celebrity Stalking is NOT ok!

I have noticed lately that people have an issue with stalking celebrities. Whether it be online or in person. I just want to know what makes people think that it is OK. Are you that desperate to be noticed that you have to bother the same celebrity over and over? Must you tweet the person several times a day? Must you go and "visit" them on set whenever you have a day off from school? Going every month does not make you cool. That makes you a stalker. You do NOT have to go to set every month. Its just weird. And when you say "OMG she recognized me!" Newsflash! Thats not always a good thing! They probably remember you because you go there too much and you scare the hell out of them. Here's an idea, BACK OFF! They don't want you there as much as you want to be there.

OK, I know I probably sound harsh, but here's the thing. There are too many kids/fans out there that think that going to set, tweeting, or writing celebs is the best thing ever. That's fine to an extent. How often do you do it? Do you visit set once every 6-12 months? Or do you do it once every 6-12 days? Do you tweet a celeb once every 1000 tweets? Or do you do it once every 5- 10 tweets? Lastly, do you write a celeb once during the span of your interest in them? Or do you it until you make sure you get a response from said actor or actress? Do you know how busy they are? I love the fans that get mad when the actor/actress doesn't reply back to them. Do you know how busy they are? I love when a fan finally does get a response and they start freaking out. I want to say, "Yes, they replied to you, but its because you tweet that person 20 times a day.

Here is how you should act around a celebrity:

1. Don't force things to happen. Just let it play out the way it is suppose too. If its meant to happen it will happen. Following them around won't do your reputation any good.

2. Be yourself when you meet them. There is nothing a celebrity hates more than an obnoxious and creepy fan on their hands. Just stay calm and talk about normal things. Don't start spurting things out about what you want to happen on a show that said actor or actress is in.

3. Do NOT take a million things to be signed. Take only a few things to be signed. When I say a few, I mean 3 things. That is plenty. Plus, do you really want to be lugging around a bunch of stuff with you all day?

4. After meeting a celebrity don't start acting like you are best friends. Its annoying.

I could probably go on about this for hours, but I don't want to bore you all. Just remember that when you are writing, tweeting, or meeting a celeb to be yourself. Stay calm and think before you speak. Oh, and no need to feel the need to "visit" them 4 times a month or more. That only makes you look bad. Keep it simple and go less often if you so desperately need to go.

<3>

The So-Called Christians

If there is one thing that I cannot stand, it is Christians that think that are higher than everyone. Just because you go to church weekly does not mean that you are above everyone else. It has been my experience over the years that some Christians, not all, are the biggest hypocrites. They stand around preaching about how people should not have sex before marriage, and if you are gay you are going to go to hell. Well, guess what God didn't give you the right to decide what was right and what was wrong. Don't tell me that its in the Bible either because that is just bullshit. The "bible beaters" are the ones that really piss me the hell off because you know they are the ones that are doing the same things that everyone else is doing. The "bible beaters" are just the onces that go to church weekly and confess their sins. Which automatically makes it right, right? WRONG! That doesn't make it right. That just makes you a hypocrite.

Another thing that really pisses me off about Christians is that they say that "everything happens for a reason." "I got a F on my test. I guess it was God's will" No you asshole! You didn't study and thats why you got a F! So, are you telling that if I was raped or sexually assaulted that it was "God's will" that it was meant to happen? If that's the case than you have a lot of explaining to do to all the women out there that have been raped or sexually assaulted over the years. Try telling them that it was "meant to happen" or that it was "God's will"

Lastly, do not tell me that because someone is gay that they are going to hell. I know a lot of gay people and they are the some of the nicest and sweetest people I know. They would do anything for their friends and family. The fact that you want to damn them to hell because of their sexual orientation really pisses me off. I am sure a lot of people want you in hell based solely on your beliefs. I know I am one of them. Again, you have no right to judge people. You are no better than anyone else in the world. Oh, and just because someone is gay and they talk to you doesn't mean that they are hitting on you or that you will "become" gay. You don't "become" gay. You are born that way. They are people just like you and I.

As you can see this is on subject that pisses me off. I could go on hours about this and I am sure that in the future I will, but this is just a preview. A friend of mind posted something tonight that really pissed my best friend and I off. We ranted for a little and I decided to make a post about it. As a Catholic and someone who attended catholic school for 9 years I can tell you that I am the last person that would push my beliefs on anyone. I also judge no one. I accept everyone for who they are. Looks do not matter to me. Its whats on the inside that counts.

Alisha Jayne

3:36am is always a good time to update your blog....

I've alway wondered why people blog daily. As you can tell I am not very good at that. You are lucky if I update it once every six months. If you really want to know what I am up to follow me at FearlessJayne on twitter.

Anyway, a lot of shit has gone down in social networking land. I lost a "friend" over something on Tumblr. She's still claiming that she didn't post anything on my Tumblr. Oh well, it was nice knowing you while it lasted. Carry on with your crazy new "friend of the moment."

I really don't know what to write so I decided that I would just ramble about nonsense.

How about a game of word association with social networking sites.....

Facebook: The biggest bullshit website out there. Its nothing but a bunch of 12 and 13 year olds pretending to be grown ups. We don't care if you have to walk your dog and color a picture for class. Talk about real stuff. Can we please go back to when it was only high school and college kids allowed and you had to be invited by someone who was already on Facebook?

Twitter: The best site ever, but it does have its moments. Like when all the crazies decide to come out at once and attack people that don't believe in the same things as they do. There are so many that intentionally offend others too. Are you that unhappy with yourself that you have to put others down? If so, you need some serious help and should probably go see someone about that. Don't intentionally hurt others for sport. ITS NOT COOL!

Tumblr: Basically like Twitter only with pictures. People use this site to post pictures of everything they are obsessed with. At first I thought this was the dumbest site ever! Over time I learned to love it. I am not obsessed like some people. I can actually go days and weeks at a time without GOING CRAZY because I am not checking it every 5 minutes. People also like to use this site to ask each other random questions. Sometimes to even insult people.

Myspace: Do people even use this anymore? Its even more lame than Facebook.

There are so many more websites that I could list and pick apart, but I really don't feel like doing that right now. So I leave you with the ones that I did.

It is what it is.

Take 2

As you all can tell, I really fail at blogging. I am going to try and do better now that I have a laptop. I'm sure that it will make my life easier. Not much has gone on this past year. I work all the time and hangout with my friends. I basically do anything so that I don't have to be home with my family. Being at home with my family is seriously my least favorite thing in the world. When I am home I sit in my room and watch TV and surf the web. Do people still say surf the web? Oh well.

Hmmm lets see how we can spice up my blog?

I never really know what to write. I can't just pick a topic and go from that. I have to be in the mood to right. Usually thats when I am in a really bad mood. Which I am NOT at the moment. Earlier would have been better for me to make a post.

In the last year I have been to Minnesota for The Judy Garland Festival, worked more than needed, didn't go to the beach as much as I would have liked too, and became WAY to obsessed with Law & Order: SVU. I have always loved the show. I've been watching it since season 2. It was just over the last year that I have really grown to love it. With that I bought all the seasons of SVU in about 2 months time. Yes, I realize I need a life. I just couldn't help myself though. Obviously this is an issue. Season 12 is turning out to be one of my favorite seasons though.

Moving on......I've started back at the gym again. I would love to be able to lose 20-30 pounds before summer. Because lets face it, no one wants to see me on the beach in a bathing suit. Just put me in a mu-mu and stick me under an umbrella and shield your eyes from my general direction. OK, I'm not that bad. I just really want to be able to enjoy the summer at the beach and be able to wear cute clothes without people looking at me and being like "Why is she wearing clothes like that when they don't even look cute on her?" As you can tell I have self-esteem issues, but more about that later.

OK, I really don't know what else to write at the moment. I am however saving this to my bookmarks so that I remember that I have a blog and update it at least once a week. I would say once a month, but that would be ask too much from me. And that my friends is my first very bipolar entry since a year ago.

Enjoy!

A